Jag petar Erika i sidan, nickar åt de 17 personer som står framför oss på startlinjen och säger med lite ironi i rösten: ”Du vet vi måste vara före två av dem som står framför oss för att kvala in till EM.”
Skrattar och tänker att det blir skönt att få ta ut sig lite och sen passera mållinjen före någon av de spandexbeklädda rumporna som står framför mig, det känns omöjligt.
Tänk om man kunde veta i förväg hur saker skulle gå. Att jag skulle passera mållinjen före TIO av de där snärtiga bakdelarna och dessutom bara ha ynka 25 sekunder till 5e platsen. Hade man uppskattat resan lika mycket då?
Startlinjen vi står på är den andra i världscupen och årets första tävling. Jag, Erika och André som coach, har åkt till Schweiz för att köra en individuell tävling och en planerad sprint (som blev inställd pågrund av väder)
Det är dags att få kvitto på om träningen gett något resultat.
Så starten går och alla sprintar iväg. Fort, springer på skidorna för att få bra position för att sedan lugna ner tempot och hitta din plats i klungan. Innan dagen är slut har vi gjort 1470 höjdmeter och nästan 17 km.
Fem uppförsbackar och lika många utför. Slag, djupsnö, lätta passager, skidor på ryggsäck och en del stökiga partier i den annars lättåkta utförsåkningen.
Jag känner mig stark hela loppet igenom. Så där att jag ligger på en ganska bekväm nivå i det jobbiga. Förmodligen hade en lite fartökning gjort att mina ben blivit tunga och andningen svår att hämta.
Men att känna att jag utan större svårigheter hänger på de som går framför mig ger självförtroende. I mina ögon tillhör ryggarna starka, duktiga och etablerade skidalpinister. Och där går jag.
Oetablerad och fundersam på om jag genat någonstans.
Men någon genväg hittade jag inte utan i den slutliga resultatlistan så står mitt namn, utan tillägg och anklagelser, på plats 7.
Jag överträffade mig själv STORT. Min önskan om att lyckas hamna bland de femton första överträffades rejält. Och jag njuter av kroppens bedrift, av att jag ska få åka till EM, att jag kunde få känna den där känslan i kroppen. Att jag bevisat att jag vissa dagar har den där kapaciteten.
Så en tävling utan vetskap om hur det ska sluta gör det hela lite mer spännande. De påminner mig om hur viktigt det är att göra resan bra och inte bara fokusera på målet. För om man visste hur allt skulle sluta, då ligger det ingen spänning, förväntan eller förhoppning på vägen fram genom livet.
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