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Genom kroppen går det en välbekant ilning när jag för elfte gången tittar på väderleksrapporten innan jag somnar. Det ska vara sol och nästintill vindstilla. Jag är ledig och tänkte genomföra en tur jag tänkt på rätt länge. Typ sen jag hörde någon annan göra den för tre år sedan.

Då tänkte jag att det krävdes så mycket och att det var en fåfängd dröm. Att jag skulle behöva guide, rep och kanske en utbildning. Men i morgon planerar jag att göra den själv och jag har ungefär glömt hälften av alla de ”nödvändiga” saker man bör ha med sig. Men det känns helt okej. Jag känner mig trygg. Och tydligen odödlig.
Jag lägger undan mobilen och gläntar en sista gång på gardinerna, jo, det ser ut som att bättre väder kommer

På morgonen strålar solen över sylarnas fjällstation. Äter frukost i ilfart och hinner knappt svälja rågkusarna innan jag är iväg.
Jag glömmer också att jag har en annalkande förkylning. Ofta. Så de första kilometrarna blir rätt svårandades eftersom jag inte riktig kan använda näsan.
Men så fort jag får sätta händerna på stenväggen, ner i mjuk mossa, trycka mig upp för en sten, då spelar det ingen roll om jag blir dödssjuk resten av livet. Ingenting annat är viktigt. Bara stenen under mina händer och fötter. De fyra punkterna av fokus.
Bergväggen är redan solvarm och till min lycka torr. Det blir lätt att ta sig upp där jag trott det skulle vara svårt.
Jag fortsätter längst kammen, snö och sten och vidunderlig utsikt mot Norge och Helags. Ömsom springer ömsom går.
Sista klättringen upp mot Storsylen, högsta punkten för dagen, är lite kittlande i magen då det är rätt så exponerat åt båda hållen. Man faller antingen åt Norge eller Sverige.
Jag har inte brytt mig om någon tid. Vill bara komma runt och bocka av det på min lista. Känslan av att göra något man trodde skulle vara svårt med sådan lätthet gör att jag vill skratta och gråta på samma gång. Jag känner stor tacksamhet.
Ned ifrån toppen kan jag släppa på. De sista kilometerna är upptrampad stig och det känns skönt att sträcka ut efter timmar av sten, sten och åter sten.
Sjunker ner i myrmark. Hoppar över vattendrag. Balanserar på en spång. Sista lilla biten upp mot stationen. Och sedan: slut. Jag fingrar lite på klockan i brist på annat vettigt att göra. Sneglar upp mot massivet. Kan ingen fråga mig vart jag varit? Vill peka. Här ifrån ser man nästan hela sträckan jag tagit mig. Men gårdsplanen vid sylstationen är tom.
Ändå vill jag inte behöva berätta. Det känns så skönt att bara jag vet. Bara jag vet hur de senaste timmarna förflutit. Jag pekar för mig själv istället och går mot fjällbäcken för att bada av mig. Solen står fortfarande högt på himmelen och jag äter lunch ute.
Dagen är så vacker.
När andra koppen kaffe är uppdrucken packar jag ihop mina saker. Kvällen är för fin för att inte fortsätta in i. Jag ringer en kompis och stämmer träff i Storulvån så vi kan tälta.
Tar på mig de forfarande blöta skorna. Jag känner mig forfarande så härligt pigg i kroppen. Så där som om allt är möjligt, jag skulle kunna springa hela natten om någon begärde det. Sommar kallas drogen, ljusa nätter och solen som aldrig riktigt går ner.
Springer de 16km hem mellan sylarna och Storulvån.
Allt känns bra även om jag inte kunde motstå frestelsen att tävla lite. I alla fall känna om det var mätbart med tidigare strava-resultat.
Jag misslyckades och förbannade mig själv tills jag vänder mig om och ser bergen i fjärran. Magnifika och med snöklädda toppar. Ser helt ouppnåeliga ut. Och där var jag på förmiddagen.
Jag skakar på huvudet åt mitt naiva sätt samtidigt som jag trycker bort tiden på klockan. Jag bryr mig egentligen inte.

Natten är ung när vi slår upp tältet mellan fjällbjörkarna.
Lagar mat över låga. Aldrig smakar pulvermat och tillsatser så gott. Myggen surrar kring öronen och tältet är varmt.
Jag försöker somna tidigt så jag kan vakna igen vid fyra för att se soluppgången. Det går sådär.
Är så uppfylld av hela den här dagen. Den gav mig allt och jag vill ge den min vakna tid tillbaka.
Aldrig somna.

Det här blogginlägget får bli en påminnelse när dagarna känns tunga, mörka och trista. När saker känns svårt och livet krångligt.
Erika, sätt då på dig ett par löparskor, packa ryggsäcken med för lite väsentliga ting och ge dig ut. Då blir du lycklig. Då blir det den bästa dagen i ditt liv.

 

Glad sommar!
/Erika

Foto: Emrik Jansson

Foto: Emrik Jansson

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